We often hear about “shrinking” in the context of relationships, especially marriage. The idea that one person makes themselves smaller so the other can feel bigger, more important, more secure. It’s a familiar narrative. Almost expected in some circles. But recently, it struck me, shrinking doesn’t live only in marriages. It shows up in the workplace, in boardrooms, in team meetings, in quiet family gatherings. It shows up anywhere there are people, power, and perception.
Shrinking is not always loud. Sometimes it’s subtle. It’s the moment you choose not to share your idea because you know someone will dismiss it. It’s when you downplay your achievements so others don’t feel uncomfortable. It’s when you silence your voice because someone else has decided they should always be the loudest in the room.
And if we’re being honest, many of us have been there. Because bullies are not confined to playgrounds. They grow up. They get titles. They become “leaders,” “senior members,” even “family anchors.” And instead of pushing others forward, they create environments where others feel the need to step back. Not because they lack ability. But because someone else needs the spotlight to stay fixed, firmly, on them.
Have you ever been put in your place in a way that made you question your worth, your voice, or even your right to be in the room? It’s not a pleasant feeling. You step back emotionally and sometimes physically, sometimes without even realizing it. As an introvert, this happens too often, sometimes without thought.
And the truth is, shrinking can become a habit if we’re not careful. A learned response. A survival strategy. You start to anticipate it. You adjust before anyone even says anything. You shrink… preemptively.
But here’s the part we don’t talk about enough: unshrinking. Unshrinking is uncomfortable. It means speaking when you’ve trained yourself to stay quiet. It means taking up space when you’ve been conditioned to step aside. It means owning your value, even when it disrupts someone else’s narrative.
Unshrinking doesn’t always look bold and dramatic. Sometimes it’s quiet but firm. It’s saying, “I have something to add.” It’s choosing not to laugh off your accomplishments. It’s refusing to dim your light just because someone else thinks their own is the only one worth shining. And yes, there will be resistance. Because when you stop shrinking, you disrupt a system that benefited from your silence. But growth rarely asks for permission. So the question becomes, where in your life have you been shrinking? And more importantly, what would it look like for you to begin unshrinking?
Not all at once.
Not perfectly.
But intentionally.
I’d really love to hear from you. Have you ever found yourself shrinking to make someone else more comfortable? Where did it happen, work, family, relationships? And how did you manage to survive… and maybe even thrive? Because there’s something powerful about sharing these stories. They remind us that we’re not alone, and that unshrinking is possible.
I genuinely want to know your thoughts, and I’m sure others do too. Feel free to comment 👍🏽, but if you’re not comfortable sharing, please reach out to me through any medium. I’d be thrilled if you could share something, anything, and let others know. Your comments help me understand your perspective and often present a completely different view on the topic. They could even inspire another blog. 😉 And you never know how your comment might benefit others. Remember, life is meant to be lived, and you should always strive to live your best life. #lifeisforliving #liveyourbestlife #gratefulforlife #faithgreaterthanfear
See you next Wednesday at 8:00 p.m., Bogotá time.