Someone said to me recently that they don’t stay angry because it takes too much energy.
That statement stayed with me as I never thought of anger like that. You just get angry, you stay angry, or you don’t. I’m not saying anger is unfamiliar; we all know it well, but because of the quiet wisdom in that sentence: It takes too much energy.
And if we are honest, anger is expensive. It demands attention. It replays conversations, constantly. Especially those that just stay in our minds because we think people did us wrong.
It rewrites the scenes in our minds. We keep thinking of these imaginary rebuttals at 2:00 a.m. When we say to ourselves, “I should have said this, or said that.”
It keeps your nervous system on alert long after the moment has passed because the fight or flight mode is on and doesn’t seem to want to go away.
What is the use of keeping that anger? At first, anger feels powerful. It feels like strength. It feels like self-protection. It feels like we are holding on to justice. But anger that lingers does not protect us. It consumes us. It saps your energy slowly, like a leak you cannot see but somehow feel. You wake up tired. You respond sharply. You lose patience more quickly. Your creativity dims. Your joy feels distant. I have seen this with more than one person. There is one in particular who is always angry, and those responses are always sharp. She doesn’t even realize that she is forever in that angry mode. Nobody points it out because they don’t want to be on the sharp end of her rebuttal.
Anger rarely just sits quietly in a corner, waiting. It spreads. It seeps into your tone. It colours your decisions. It shapes how you interpret other people’s actions. It hardens your heart. And the most dangerous part? It convinces you that you are justified in holding on.
Now let me be clear, anger itself is not the enemy. Anger is often a signal.
It tells you that a boundary was crossed.
It tells you that something felt unfair.
It tells you that you were hurt.
It tells you that something within you deserves attention.
But a signal is meant to alert you, not imprison you. Not have you hold on forever to the poison.
Think of it like this: if your smoke alarm goes off, you investigate and make adjustments when we know what caused it to go off. You don’t keep the alarm blaring for weeks; it makes no sense. Why then do we allow anger to stay long after it has delivered its message?
I guess sometimes we keep anger because letting it go feels like surrender. Sometimes we keep anger because we want the other person to feel the weight of what they did. But do they even notice that we are angry, and do they even care? Sometimes we keep anger because it feels safer than admitting we were hurt. But anger, when prolonged, does not punish the other person. It punishes you. It drains your emotional reserves. It clouds your judgement and emotions. It distances you from peace. And peace is not weakness. Peace is strength under control. For me, peace makes life easier.
There is also a spiritual dimension to this. We are reminded to be angry, but not to sin in our anger. That distinction matters. Anger may arise, but what we do with it determines who we become.
Do we allow it to root bitterness in our hearts?
Or do we allow it to refine us, to clarify our boundaries, to teach us, to strengthen our discernment?
You do not have to ignore anger.
You do not have to pretend it doesn’t exist.
You do not have to minimise your experience.
But you also do not have to carry it indefinitely.
Releasing anger does not mean the offence was acceptable. It means you are choosing not to allow it to control your inner world. And that is us being responsible and mature.
There is a difference between acknowledging anger and becoming defined by it. One empowers you. The other imprisons you.
If staying angry takes too much energy, and it does, then perhaps the wiser question is not, “Why am I angry?” but “How long do I want to live like this?”
Life already demands so much of us, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Why give anger the privilege of occupying space it has not earned?
Anger can visit.
It should not reside.
When it comes, listen.
When it teaches, learn.
When it has said what it needs to say, let it go.
Your energy is precious.
Your peace is valuable.
And your heart deserves to remain soft, not hardened by prolonged resentment. Holding on to anger feels like control. Letting it go is freedom. Absolute and glorious freedom.
I genuinely want to know your thoughts, and I’m sure others do too. Feel free to comment 👍🏽, but if you’re not comfortable sharing, please reach out to me through any medium. I’d be thrilled if you could share something, anything, and let others know. Your comments help me understand your perspective and often present a completely different view on the topic. They could even inspire another blog. 😉 And you never know how your comment might benefit others. Remember, life is meant to be lived, and you should always strive to live your best life. #lifeisforliving #liveyourbestlife #gratefulforlife #faithgreaterthanfear
See you next Wednesday at 8:00 p.m., Bogotá time.