I am sure we all have at least one person in our lives who feels that they are entitled to have a say in what we do, where we go, who we spend time with, and sometimes even how we choose to live our lives. You know the kind of person I am talking about. Somehow, they find their way into your life and slowly begin to behave as though they have a place in every decision you make. They have an opinion about everything, and somehow, their opinion is no longer just an opinion. It becomes something they expect you to consider, follow, or even justify yourself for not accepting. And the funny thing is, you may never have given them that kind of authority over your life in the first place. So, where does this sense of entitlement come from?
Is it because we have allowed people to become so comfortable with us that they forget where their place ends and ours begins? Or is it that some people genuinely believe that because they are a part in our lives, they have earned the right to determine how we should live them? I have been thinking about this lately. There is a difference between someone caring about you and someone believing they have a right to control you. There is a difference between offering advice and expecting someone to live according to your wishes. And there is certainly a difference between being a part of someone’s life and believing that their life somehow belongs to you.
Yet, sometimes, these lines become so blurred that we find ourselves having to explain the simplest things to people. Why are you going there? Why did you buy that? Why are you doing this? Why didn’t you ask me? Why didn’t you include me. Have you ever stopped to think about how exhausting it can be to feel as though you must account for your decisions to someone who has no real right to demand an explanation? And what makes it even more difficult is that these people are not usually strangers. They may be family members, friends, acquaintances, or people we have known for years. They may be people we genuinely care about. That is what makes dealing with their behaviour so complicated. Because when you care about someone, you don’t necessarily want to hurt their feelings. You don’t want to create unnecessary conflict. You don’t want to be accused of changing, becoming selfish, or forgetting where you came from.
So, what do we do? Sometimes, we explain ourselves. Sometimes, we try to make people understand our decisions. Sometimes, we give in simply because it is easier than dealing with the argument that might follow. And sometimes, we do things we don’t really want to do because we are trying to avoid the guilt that someone else might place on us. But I wonder, at what point do we begin to realise that keeping everyone else comfortable can come at the expense of our own peace? Why should someone else’s expectations determine what we do with what we have worked for? Why should we feel the need to justify where we go, how we spend our time, or the choices we make for ourselves? And why is it that when we finally decide to stand our ground, we can end up feeling like we are the ones doing something wrong? That is the part I find particularly interesting. A person can overstep your boundaries, make demands on your time, question your decisions, and behave as though they are entitled to a place in every aspect of your life. Yet, when you finally decide that enough is enough, somehow, you become the villain. Suddenly, you are the difficult one. You are the one who has changed. You are the one who is being unkind. But have you really done anything wrong by deciding that you want to make your own choices without having to seek approval?
I think we sometimes confuse being a good person with being an endlessly available person. We confuse kindness with always saying yes. We confuse love with giving people unlimited access to us. And perhaps, without even realising it, we teach people that they can continue to cross our boundaries because we will always find a way to accommodate them. Until one day, we don’t. And when that day comes, we may have to deal with their disappointment, their anger, or even their attempts to make us feel guilty.
But must we? Must we always engage in a conversation that goes nowhere? Must we keep explaining a decision to someone who has already decided that our answer is unacceptable? Must we continue to defend ourselves simply because another person does not agree with what we have chosen to do? Maybe there are times when the answer is no. Maybe we can love people and still decide that we need some distance from them. Maybe we can appreciate the role someone has played in our lives without giving them permission to dictate how the rest of our lives should unfold.
And maybe stepping away does not always have to be dramatic. It does not always require an argument, a long explanation, or a final conversation in which we try to make the other person understand our position.
Sometimes, we can simply stop making ourselves available for every demand. We can choose what we share. We can become more comfortable saying no. We can make decisions without feeling obligated to seek permission from people who have no authority over us. Of course, this is not always easy. Some relationships are complicated, and there may be responsibilities and circumstances that require careful thought. But even then, surely there must be room for us to have a voice in our own lives.
I am learning that not everyone will be happy with the decisions we make, and perhaps that is something we need to accept. We can spend so much time trying to convince people that we are not bad, selfish, or unkind that we forget to ask ourselves a more important question: Am I actually doing something wrong, or am I simply doing something that this person does not like? There is a difference. Someone being unhappy with your decision does not automatically mean your decision is wrong. Someone feeling disappointed because you have said no does not automatically mean you owe them a yes. And someone believing they are entitled to your time, possessions, attention, or personal choices does not mean they actually are. So, why do we allow ourselves to feel like the villain in our own lives? Why do we sometimes carry guilt for choosing peace, protecting our space, or deciding that we no longer want to participate in a relationship that leaves us feeling controlled? Perhaps it is because we have spent years being taught to consider everyone else’s feelings before our own. Perhaps we are afraid of being misunderstood. Or perhaps we simply don’t like the idea of someone thinking badly of us.
Whatever the reason, I think it is worth asking ourselves whether the price of keeping someone happy is becoming too high. Because life is already complicated enough without feeling as though we need permission to live it. We have responsibilities, challenges, disappointments, and decisions to make. We are trying to find our way, learn from our experiences, and create a life that feels meaningful to us. Shouldn’t we be allowed to do that without constantly having to defend ourselves against someone else’s sense of entitlement?
I don’t believe that having boundaries means we stop caring about people. I think it means we begin to recognise that caring about others and caring about ourselves do not have to be mutually exclusive. We can be kind without surrendering our independence. We can be considerate without allowing ourselves to be controlled. We can listen to advice without handing over the responsibility for our decisions. And we can walk away from situations that no longer serve us without having to convince everyone that we are justified in doing so.
At the end of the day, we are the ones who must live with the consequences of our choices. So, shouldn’t we also have the freedom to make them?
I don’t have all the answers, and I suspect that many of us are still trying to figure out how to navigate these relationships. But perhaps the first step is recognising that someone else’s expectations do not automatically become our obligations. Maybe we don’t have to fight every battle. Maybe we don’t have to explain every decision. And maybe, just maybe, we can stop accepting the role of villain simply because we have decided to take back responsibility for our own lives.
So, let me ask you: Have you ever had someone in your life who felt entitled to determine what you should do, where you should go, or how you should live? How did you deal with it? Did you find it easy to establish boundaries, or did you and are you still struggling with the guilt that comes with doing so? Remember that you can care about people without giving them ownership of your life.
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Until next time take care of yourself and remember that your peace matters too. See you soon! Join me again next Wednesday at 8:00 p.m. (Bogotá time) for another reflection on life, faith, growth, and the lessons we learn along the way. If this week’s reflection encouraged you, there are many more thoughtful reflections in my book, “Thoughts on Life”, now available.
Before you go, I’d genuinely love to hear your thoughts. Please leave a comment below. Share your thoughts with someone who might be asking the same questions. Every perspective is valuable, and your insights often help me see things in a completely different way. If you’re not comfortable commenting publicly, feel free to reach out to me through any medium. I’d love to hear from you.
Your feedback not only encourages me, but it may also inspire a future blog and help someone else who reads it. You never know how your words might make a difference.
Remember, life is meant to be lived, so always strive to live your best life.
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