I was listening to someone online one day talking about trust. The way they spoke about it made it sound so easy. Almost as if trust is something that just happens. You meet someone. You connect. You trust them. And I found myself thinking, Is trusting really that easy? Because honestly, I don’t think it is. Maybe that is because of the things I have experienced in my own life. Maybe it is because, as we get older, we realise that people are not always who we think they are.
I have written about trust before, but perhaps trust is one of those subjects that we keep coming back to because our experiences keep teaching us something new about it. I know I have learned that we don’t just trust people. At least, I don’t. Even when I have known someone for years, there can still be a little part of me that holds back. Not necessarily because I think the person is going to hurt me. Sometimes it is simply because I have learned that knowing someone for a long time doesn’t necessarily mean that you truly know them. And isn’t that an uncomfortable thought? We can spend years around someone. We can laugh together. Talk about our lives. Share experiences. Be there for each other. And still, somehow, there can be parts of that person that we don’t know. There can be parts of ourselves that we don’t show either. Maybe that is just being human.
But then there are those people we meet for the first time and something feels different. You can’t quite put your finger on it. You don’t know them. You don’t know their history. You don’t know what they have experienced or what they are capable of. Yet somehow, you feel comfortable. You talk. You laugh. You share. And before you know it, you are thinking, I feel like I have known this person forever. What is that? What makes us feel that connection with one person and not another? Is it intuition? I often wonder about that. Because there have been times when I have met someone and something about them just felt right. And there have also been times when something didn’t feel right, even though I couldn’t explain why.
Have you ever experienced that? That feeling that you can’t quite explain? Someone may be saying all the right things, doing all the right things, and yet something inside you says, Wait. And sometimes we listen. And sometimes we don’t. Perhaps because we don’t want to be unfair. Perhaps because we don’t want to judge someone before we really know them. Or perhaps because we want so badly to believe that what we are seeing is what is real.
And that brings me to the part of trust that I find hardest. The mask. How is it that we can trust someone, sometimes deeply, only to realise later that they were wearing a mask? A mask that we never saw beyond. That can hurt in a way that is difficult to explain. Because when someone breaks your trust, it isn’t only the relationship with that person that is affected. Sometimes it changes something inside you. You start asking questions. How did I not see it? What did I miss? Were there signs that I ignored? Did I trust too easily? And sometimes the hardest question is: Can I trust my own judgement? I think that is what makes betrayal so difficult. It can make you question yourself. You thought you were a good judge of character. You thought you could tell when something wasn’t right. You thought you knew the person. And then something happens and suddenly you are looking back at conversations, situations and moments, wondering if you were seeing what was actually there or what you wanted to see. Maybe that is why letting down our guard becomes harder as we get older. We learn. We remember. We carry things. And sometimes the person standing in front of us today has done absolutely nothing to deserve the walls we have built because of someone who came before them. But the walls are still there. I know what it feels like to be careful. To think before sharing. To watch. To listen. To take your time. And sometimes I wonder whether being careful is wisdom or whether, sometimes, it is simply fear wearing the clothes of wisdom. Because there is a difference, isn’t there? We need to protect ourselves. But we also need to live. We need relationships. We need connection. We need people. And connection requires some level of vulnerability. You cannot really know someone if you never allow yourself to be known. So how do we find that balance? How do we protect our hearts without closing them. How do we recognise the person who deserves our trust without expecting them to prove themselves for something they never did? And perhaps that is where consistency comes in.
Maybe trust isn’t really about what someone tells us. Maybe it is about what they repeatedly show us. How they behave when things don’t go their way. How they treat people who cannot do anything for them. Whether their words match their actions. Whether they are the same person when no one is watching. Whether they respect the boundaries we put in place. Maybe trust is built in those ordinary moments that we don’t think much about at the time. And perhaps that is why it takes time. Because anyone can make a good first impression. Anyone can say the right thing. Anyone can show us the version of themselves they want us to see. But time has a way of revealing things. People get tired. Things don’t go their way. They become disappointed. They become angry. They don’t get what they want. And perhaps it is in those moments that we begin to see beyond the mask. Still, sometimes we get it wrong. We trust the wrong person. We don’t trust the right one. We listen to our intuition and later realise it was wrong. Or we ignore it and later wish we hadn’t. There are no guarantees. And maybe that is the uncomfortable truth about trust. There is always a risk. To trust someone is to give them the opportunity to hurt you. But to never trust anyone is to deny yourself the opportunity to experience genuine connection.
So perhaps trusting isn’t about being certain. Maybe it is about being willing to take a step while still paying attention. Maybe it is about allowing trust to grow instead of demanding that it appear all at once. And maybe it is also about understanding that trust doesn’t have to be all or nothing. We can give a little. We can observe. We can learn. We can give a little more. And over time, perhaps we discover whether the person can be trusted with more of us. I don’t know if trusting ever becomes easy. Maybe it shouldn’t. Maybe the fact that trust matters so much is precisely why we don’t give it away carelessly. But I do know that I don’t want the people who hurt me in the past to have so much power that they determine how I relate to everyone I meet in the future. That is something I continue to think about. Because there is a part of me that wants to say, Be careful. And there is another part that says, But don’t close yourself off. Perhaps growing older is learning how to listen to both.
So I keep wondering…
Why do we trust some people almost immediately while others never quite get through the door. What is it that creates that feeling of connection? Is it intuition? Is it something we recognise in ourselves when we meet something familiar in another person? Is it their consistency? Their character? Or is it simply something we cannot explain?
And when someone has broken our trust, how do we learn to trust again without carrying that person into every relationship that comes after?
Maybe trusting isn’t easy. Maybe it was never meant to be. Maybe trust is something we build, piece by piece, through the ordinary moments of life. And maybe sometimes we get it right. And sometimes we don’t. But perhaps the answer isn’t to stop trusting. Perhaps it is to learn to trust with our eyes open. What do you think? Have you ever met someone and trusted them almost immediately, even though you couldn’t explain why? Have you ever known someone for years and still felt that you couldn’t completely trust them? Have you ever trusted someone, only to discover that there was a side of them you had never seen?And perhaps most importantly…. Has something that happened to you ever made it harder for you to trust again? I don’t think there are easy answers. But maybe that is what makes trust worth talking about. Because somewhere between protecting ourselves and opening ourselves to others, we are all trying to figure it out. I know I am.
Listen to a deep dive of this blog on YouTube- https://youtu.be/U-8ye5Jofho?si=AsrcoqYKMyOLZ85Y
Until next time; See you soon! Join me again next Wednesday at 8:00 p.m. (Bogotá time) for another reflection on life, faith, growth, and the lessons we learn along the way. If this week’s reflection encouraged you, there are many more thoughtful reflections in my book, “Thoughts on Life”, now available.
Before you go, I’d genuinely love to hear your thoughts. Please leave a comment below. Share your thoughts with someone who might be asking the same questions. Every perspective is valuable, and your insights often help me see things in a completely different way. If you’re not comfortable commenting publicly, feel free to reach out to me through any medium. I’d love to hear from you.
Your feedback not only encourages me, but it may also inspire a future blog and help someone else who reads it. You never know how your words might make a difference.
Remember, life is meant to be lived, so always strive to live your best life.
#lifeisforliving #liveyourbestlife #gratefulforlife #faithgreaterthanfear