A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about forgiveness. Since then, my mind has wandered back to that subject, not because I have found all the answers, but because another question has been quietly waiting for me. What comes after forgiveness? Is forgiving enough, or is there another journey that begins once we have made that decision?
Sometimes we forgive, and in some situations, we walk away from the person or the circumstances that caused the hurt. We remove ourselves from the trauma, hoping that distance will bring peace. But does walking away automatically mean we have healed? I am not so sure. How does healing really show itself? Is it the absence of tears? Is it when we no longer replay conversations in our minds? Is it when we can hear a person’s name without feeling our hearts race? Or is healing something much quieter than that?
I often find myself reaching the stage of “out of sight, out of mind.” Once I have decided to move on, I rarely look back. It is simply how I have learned to cope. But I also know that not everyone is able to do that. Some hurts stay close, returning uninvited in quiet moments or sleepless nights. Perhaps that is what makes healing so personal.
It is not easy to let go of hurt, even when we say we have. Sometimes our words declare freedom while our minds continue to relive the pain. We revisit the conversations, the betrayal, the disappointment, wondering if things could have been different. If we are constantly reliving the hurt, have we really let it go? That is usually the point where I realise I cannot carry it by myself anymore. It has to be handed over to God. People often say, “Let go and let God.” It sounds simple, but anyone who has tried knows that it isn’t. Letting go means surrendering the desire to replay the past, to seek explanations we may never receive, or to hold on to anger because it somehow feels safer than vulnerability. Faith asks us to trust that God can carry what has become too heavy for us.
Years ago, my mother gave me advice that has stayed with me ever since. She said, “Forgive, but don’t forget.” For a long time, I wondered how those two ideas could exist together. Wasn’t forgetting part of forgiving? As I have grown older, I think I understand what she meant. She wasn’t telling me to keep the hurt alive. She was telling me to remember the lesson, not the pain. Don’t allow bitterness to take root, but don’t ignore the wisdom that came from the experience. Learn from it so that you don’t keep making the same mistake. After all, we have all heard the saying that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result.
Maybe remembering isn’t the opposite of healing. Maybe remembering wisely is part of healing. Healing may not mean pretending something never happened. It may simply mean that what happened no longer controls how we live, how we love, or how we trust God with tomorrow. Perhaps healing is when the scar remains, but the wound no longer bleeds.
I don’t know if there is one right answer. I suspect each of us walks this road differently. So today, I leave you with the questions I have been asking myself. Do you have to let go completely before you can heal? Can you remember without holding on to the hurt?
Have you ever forgiven someone but realised that healing was still a work in progress?
I’d love to hear your thoughts.
See you soon! Join me again next Wednesday at 8:00 p.m. (Bogotá time) for another reflection on life, faith, growth and the lessons we learn along the way. If this week’s reflection encouraged you, there are many more thoughtful reflections in my book, “Thoughts on Life”, now available.
Before you go, I’d genuinely love to hear your thoughts. Please leave a comment below. Every perspective is valuable, and your insights often help me see things in a completely different way. If you’re not comfortable commenting publicly, feel free to reach out to me through any medium. I’d love to hear from you.
Your feedback not only encourages me, but it may also inspire a future blog and help someone else who reads it. You never know how your words might make a difference.
Remember, life is meant to be lived, so always strive to live your best life.
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