Why do we enable bad behavior by others? Why do we not stop others from using and abusing us and our resources? How do we stop the behavior of enabling the wrong things?
Is it that we can’t see what is before us? Or is it that we are blind, or just pretending? I started wondering about this when I spoke to a friend about the enabling of a family member. We say we know when people take advantage of us. We say we can see when someone isn’t being genuine, when their actions don’t match their words. Yet somehow, we continue to allow it. We rationalize, we excuse, we forgive, over and over again. We tell ourselves that maybe they’ll change, that maybe this time will be different. But it usually isn’t.
So why do we keep enabling? Sometimes it’s love. Sometimes it’s fear. And sometimes, it’s comfort.
Love makes us tolerate things we shouldn’t. Fear convinces us that standing up for ourselves will cost us more than it will heal. Comfort whispers that change is too hard, that it’s easier to just let things be.
But enabling isn’t kindness. It’s self-neglect dressed up as compassion.
When we allow people to repeatedly cross our boundaries, we teach them that our limits are negotiable. We show them that our resources, our time, our energy, our hearts, are open for withdrawal without deposit.
And when we keep giving without pause, we eventually find ourselves empty, resentful, and wondering how we got there.
The truth is, sometimes we see the behavior clearly. We just don’t want to face it. Pretending can feel safer than confronting. But pretending doesn’t protect us, it traps us.
So how do we stop enabling? We start by recognizing our own worth. We set boundaries, not walls. We say no, not because we don’t care, but because we care about ourselves too. We stop making excuses for those who constantly take, and we stop apologizing for expecting better.
Growth often begins with discomfort. Breaking the cycle of enabling may hurt at first, it may even feel wrong, but in the long run, it’s one of the most loving things we can do for ourselves.
Sometimes, the only way to stop others from using us is to stop giving them access freely to us and our resources. Stop being the ATM. If we don’t we continue to enable them and the cycle never stops. See clearly. Stand firmly. And choose yourself, without guilt.
J, thank you for talking to me, and starting this very difficult conversation.
I genuinely want to know your thoughts, and I’m sure others do too. Feel free to comment 👍🏽, but if you’re not comfortable sharing, please reach out to me through any medium. I’d be thrilled if you could share something, anything, and let others know. Your comments help me understand your perspective and often present a completely different view on the topic. They could even inspire another blog. 😉 And you never know how your comment might benefit others. Remember, life is meant to be lived, and you should always strive to live your best life. #lifeisforliving #liveyourbestlife #gratefulforlife #faithgreaterthanfear
See you next Wednesday at 8:00 p.m., Bogotá time.